8 reasons NOT to visit Florida this winter

Who needs 1,350 miles of beautiful coastline, endless buckets of sunshine and tons of activities when there’s snow to shovel, grey skies to stare at and six layers of winter garb to endlessly take on and off? Here are 8 reasons NOT to visit Florida this winter. Read this now, thank us later.

RELATED: 11 beaches that probably aren’t for you

1. Plant City: Can you believe this town? Home to the annual Florida Strawberry Festival, this spot near Tampa claims fresh, local fruit in the middle of winter. #sketchy

2. Crystal River: Swimming in clear, freshwater springs with those goofy gentle giants known as manatees? #overrated

3. Miami Beach: People are always carrying on about hanging out on Ocean Drive, one of the world’s most famous streets with all its restaurants, bars and hotels. We have a better idea. #NetflixAndChill

4. Everglades National Park: So it’s got panthers, alligators and numerous bird species like the tricolored heron. Uh, thanks, but we’d rather watch cat videos on YouTube. #priorities

ALSO: Earn towards your next trip when you book flights and hotels with Orbitz Rewards? Sounds like a trap.

5. Orlando: “Oh but what about Disney World,” you say? This is what passes for ice around here. #NotEvenClose

6. St. George Island: Just a guess—you also like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. #TotalCliche

7. Kennedy Space Center: Sure, we’ve heard how you can see the Space Shuttle Atlantis up close, experience a simulated shuttle launch and have lunch with an astronaut at the Space Center, but look: If we wanted to travel to infinity and beyond, we’d watch Toy Story. #NotToday

8. Daytona Beach: They say the Ponce De Leon Inlet Light Station near Daytona Beach is Florida’s tallest lighthouse and that if you climb the 203 steps to the top, you’ll be treated to a view of the surrounding waterways. Interesting ploy, but you can’t trick us into doing cardio. #NiceTry